It's Been a While

I know its been a while... but my computer is being a big p.o.s. and i been pretty busy with xmas and all that jazz...kids had a good xmas... as did gary and i... had some mishaps during the day but we all survived! next up is new years then JUPY is coming!!! so freaking EXCITED!!!! IM READY READY READY! this is all for now... more later!

finally....

i finally got to talk to one of the docs yesterday and she agreed to fill out the paper i need to get madison soy milk without sending her to an allergist... so yay...i went and picked it up today and took it where it needed to go... then went and did a little xmas shopping...i found some cool stuff... most everyone on my lists are done...i just need to get one more thing for my mom and something for gary's brother.. and i'm thinking i'm done... maybe a couple more things for the kids... but we'll see.... i still gotta find something for gary that he doesn't know about... so good luck to me! i don't know why but i'm soooo tired...i just want to go to bed!!! it's not even 9.... but once i get in bed i bet i can't sleep.... sigh.... i need to get a paper written by saturday too... but it's pretty easy... just a matter of getting it done.... maybe i'll start on it now...

xmas party disasster

so today was the squadron xmas party... a huge disaster all around... first of all.. gary never got me a ticket... we never really confirmed we had a babysitter.. the neighbor said they would watch the kids... so i was like cool... well then friday or thursday the neighbor of course can't watch the kids... whatever... then friday amber said she would watch them if i wanted to go.. okay.. cool.. well turns out gary couldn't get me a ticket.. and his ticket that he bought probably wasn't any good anymore either... he bought it.. then they had to get a bigger room so more people could come so they told them they had to turn in their old tickets and buy new more expensive tickets... that's crap.... in my opinion... so gary said f that.. he wasn't paying more... so he never got a proper ticket... well he didn't think i was going so he set up for a ride to come and get him so he could drink... like we need that after last freaking week.. but whatever... so the guy calls at 230.. the party doesn't start until 6! they were going to hang out before the party...WTF??? so anyway...i had a sitter and was going to go so gary told them he didn't need them to come get him... cool... well turns out he planned on getting at least a hundred bucks to go to the party... well we don't have it! it's almost freaking xmas.. and we have 2 kids... who the hell has that kinda cash to waste at a casino right before xmas... not us... so he got all pissy and we got in a big fight and in the end i cancelled the babysitter and we didn't go...he's kinda been glumy and depressed since... but he never said he needed money for the party.... if he would have i would have waited until i got money on tuesday to pay one of the bills so we could have gone... so now i feel like the shitty bitchy wife... and i'm sure i'll get called a bunch of names behind my bank... but whatever.. i was looking forward to a night out too but  silly me thought the whole thing was a xmas party... at the casino.. i didn't think that meant you had to gamble...i'm sure i can make it up to him sometime.... feel bad but sometimes you just gotta say no :(

The Stress .....

So I had to take Madison to get her shots the other day... so while i was there i went in to ask if they could give me a letter to take to wic to get madison put on soy milkk... she doesn't do well on regular milk... not a big surprise... she had to be on special formula.. ben had to be on soy milk... whatever.. so they say to come back the next morning... yesterday to pick it up...i do that..i show up and they go oh... we tried to call...we left a message.. no they didn't... but whatever.. they can't just give me a letter..i have to make an appointment for madison to come in so they can give me a referral to an allergist...freaking ridiculous! she's not allergic.... she just pukes really bad!  the whole thing just seems really stupid... jut give me a freaking letter... they want me to have to go through like a month worth of shit just to get a letter... so dumb! i'm going to call the wic people now and ask them wtf else i can do!

DAMMIT

i just wrote a whole blog and something freaking happened and it all went away... now i'm pissy and don't wanna write it all again... stupid mouse on the keyboard...i hate the mouse that comes on laptops...i forgot how to turn mine off... stupid laptops!!!

Oh the joy.....

I have so much to tell about...i just don't know how much patience i have to get it all out today.... lets start from wednesday.... shall we...
we had plans to have thanksgiving dinner with our neighbors....for weeks we've had the plans...if not months.... well... i get a text wednesday saying she's got strep and we have to postpone dinner... i was all upset... becuase i didn't plan anything else and i didn't buy food or anything... so i decide last minute to look for an unfrozen turkey... and go fight the rush at the store... get everything i need, get started working on stuff...got the potatoes peeled, got the ends snapped off the string beans and seasoned... got the turkey seasoned and into the over to slow cook all night... we get up the next morning... decide since we won't be eating for a long time to go to ihop... the banana bread french toast is amazing and for a limited time... so i was like okay.... so we go... my banana bread french toast had no bananas on it... pissy... they had to send someone to walmart to get them... took forever... but i got them ... the french toast was cold but still good.... just finished eating and get a text from the neighbor saying she feels better and shouldn't be contagious anymore after being on the antibiotics for 24 hours and started the turkey and everything for thanksgiving dinner... and if we could please still come... so i'm like pissy... but i agree.... we have a good relationship with them... and so i figured i could just make mine the next day... well... gary and joe started drinking... and smoking... and chewing... and smoking cubans... then out came the jim beam... omg.... they got so freaking trashed.... i had to go and get gary from the neighbors because i wanted to go black friday shopping becuaSe i'd never been before... he's so drunk.. but i figure it will be okay becuase the kids are sleeping and i know that i'll be back before the kids wake up.... so i went to walmart at midnight... it was quite the experience...i got some good stuff... but wow.... that was insane... came home ... i wanted to go to target.. but i figured i'd wait a little bit... so i come home to drop off the shit i got at walmart so it woudln't get stolen at target... come in and see gary sleeping on the couch covered in vomit.... i don't do vomit... EVERYONE knows it... so i bolt...i stood outside target for 2 hours in 10 degree weather because it was better than being in the vomit house.... get some cool stuff there too and decide to venture back home... .sigh... wishing the house was not the way i saw it when i came home before... and it wasn't...it was much worse... i guess he woke up while i was gone and took off all his puke covered clothes and threw them all over the living room... i dunno... madison was awake and crying.... i was like fuck this... grabbed her... woke up ben .... went to mcdonalds... tried to text the neighbor to see if we could come over there.. but she never answered... i was going to text amber to see if we could go to her house.. but with her living with her boyfriend i just decided not to and to go to a hotel..i was exhausted from being awake... i couldn't deal... so i checked into a hotel.. and me and the kids napped.... woke up... went to starbucks... the nissan dealership to order some parts.... barnes and nobles and chick fil a... then to amber's for a while.. finally gary called and said he was awake and had cleaned everything up.. (he knows i can't deal) and to make sure i had the kids.... i'd fucking sure hope i had the kids! wtf! so i was going to keep the hotel room and me and ben were going to go have a little staycation kinda thing.. but gary wanted to go so we all went... it wasn't great.... i called pizza hut to order the cheesy bites pizza... all i wanted... so after an hour it comes...it's soooo cooked i wouldn't eat it... you couldn't even get the slices apart...so i called to bitch... we'll send you another one... okay... well that was around 645 i think.... at 745 i called to see when it was going to be there becuase the kids were tired... the bitch was so dumb... said probably around 8... at 835 i called back... well ma'am.... the delivery time is 80 minutes... so it should be there at 745....ok.. well its 835....right so its not there yet... it will be there soon... right..... 915 i call... no one knows where my pizza is... they'll make me one and send it over... ARE YOU SERIOUS.... madison and ben were both overly starving and screaming and whining and it was horrible.... finally the pizza came around 10...i couldn't eat it...i can't eat pizza real late because of my acid reflux.... ben had gotten himself all worked up crying and screaming and his stomach hurt so he wouldn't eat... madison was too tired to eat... and gary ate the burnt pizza... horrible... so everyone goes to bed..... i was so tired i couldn't sleep.... finally fell asleep.. felt like 2 minutes and it was 4 and madison was awake crying... so i get her and put her in bed with me and gary... but she won't stop poking and clawing at us... so he gets up and gets in ben's bed.... ben wakes up all pissed that gary's in his bed... so he starts whining and lays on the floor... we get up and eat breakfast.... hang out in the room for a while... pack up and go to starbucks then home.... get madison to sleep... take ben to a friends house and we got our lights up... after a trip to walmart of course.... always need something... in this case staples.... then had to go get ben... return this nook cover i bought the day before that i didn't like... grabbed some dinner and came home...ate and played on the computer for a little bit... went to sleep around 1030...slept good until gary came to bed... woke up at 1030.....yes for real... woke up and cooked all morning.. thanksgiving dinner that we never had.... i made turkey... homemade mashed potatoes... stuffing... gravy... mac n cheese, rolls, green beans and cranberry sauce... gary and me and madison liked it... ben wouldn't eat anything but the greenbeans and cranberry sauce and roll... wouldn't even try any of the shit i cooked... pissed me off so bad.. he ate the neighbors food... fake... out of a box... but wouldn't even try mine... fucking asshole... so another day of him being so annoying and irritating... leads to him humming loudly on the couch... after i just told him to stop a few minutes before.... and i tell him to stop it... he goes i'm humming... and i go i know... STOP it... he goes THAT'S WHY I HATE YOU...... that's great... go to your room... he goes in for like 2 minutes and tries to come out... fuck that.. go back to your room and don't come out until someone tells you to... so...gary went in to get him for a shower... and ben's mad becuase i didn't give him a warning before i yelled at him... fuck that... yes i did for one... and he's 6....not 2 or 3.... i made madison a plate of dinner... told gary to deal with ben... and i think after i put her to bed i'm going to bed.... have had a very stressful few days... wish i was going on a vacation soon :(

New Toys

I am all excited today because my Nook Color finally came! It's been in albuquerque all weekend at ups... and finally around 7 pm i finally got it! yay...it's pretty awesome... i'm quite excited about it! i am heading to bed here soon to keep reading my book... right now i'm reading portia de rossi's book unbearable lightness...it's not a bad book.... it's not my favorite book but it's pretty good... i'm probably about halfway through it..i had been reading it on the nook app on my phone but now i got the real deal!!! Still pissy i never got the gift card i was supposed to get from my dad and stepmom... but who knows... maybe they will send that and madison's birthday gift with xmas... i dunno

check this shit out... everyone knows me and gary's mom have our issues... this bitch is crazy... apparently it's not enough that she has a favorite son, favorite niece... favorite friend, favorite sister,..... apparently she has a favorite grandkid too... she's apparently selling her car and buying a new boat... and she wants to name it after ben... in my opinion.. that's fucked up .... i mean i know madison's only 1 but still... that's just wrong....she said she want's to name it the Ben Jammin .... which by the way was always my nickname for ben... she always called him Bennie... like Bennie & the Jets.... whatever... she's just a pretty fucked up person...
i gotta get working on my calendars.... i usually have them done  by now...
oh... and i gotta call sears AGAIN tomorrow and chew them the fuck out...i got my kids pics done there... and the photographers sucked.... the pics were all dark... and they didn't edit them or anything like they should have because the mall was closed becuase it took them so freaking long to take the damn pics... so ... i bitched... talked to the manager... she's supposed to re-do the cd.. .and have it in the mail the next day.... that was a freaking month ago... and i've called like 5 times or more... i'm going above her head because she keeps saying i'll get it but i still haven't gotten it...bitch.... i fucking hate that... when people say they are going to do something i expect them to do it!

so irritated

i am so pissy... i am tired of being treated like of pos nb in my own fucking house.... becuase i don't leave the house to go to work i am apparently a piece of shit ****er.... according to my own loser husband.. fuck him... i can't get any fucking help around here.. but i'm supposed to want to cook clean bust my ass around the house... so the man that works doesn't have to lift a fucking finger.. oh.. and still want to spread my fucking legs whenever... fuck this...i fucking hate being married...

Veterans Day

One of the coolest holidays... haha...... texas roadhouse day... they give a free meal to veterans... well the chick thought i was one since she had to see my id to get my 3.00 margarita so she gave us both free meals... who am i to complain... haha... then we went to get the cat a soft cone... he's not thrilled about it.. but i think he'll get better....then we went to the weird walmart for some milk and such... came home... kids are finally asleep..i should be going to the gym... but i'm going to start again.... tomorrow???? I miss having a work out buddy...i don't like going alone..i miss the days when jessy and i could go workout at the jcc together... although we didn't really work out much... we swam... and played tennis.. but i don't think it counts as working out... but it was a lot of fun! i have homework to do today too... i'm thinking about putting it off... its not due until saturday... i hate homework...
my mom called today... something about how her friend is not her friend and to have everyone delete him... whatever..i don't mind... but she's become a shitty person i think... she kept making fun of this lady that used to be her friend... i dunno... i don't understand people...i'm glad i don't think i'm a shitty person..i mean don't get me wrong..i can be... but i try not to be... especially to my friends.... my mom bitches all the time she doesn't have any friends... but she wouldn't be friends or even just deal with her friends wife... so he's not allowed to hang out with her anymore... she's weird like that.... i dunno...
i should call my dad... see how the move went... haven't heard from them since my birthday.... oh well.. guess they are too busy... as always...
tomorrow is my grandma's birthday... ben made her and my mom a card but i forgot to mail them... oh well..i sent flowers to both of them... best i can do....

Birthdays.....

I have a question... say your mom didn't even send you a card for your birthday.... nothing.... do you send them nothing? I feel bad because she doesn't have any one else to get her a gift.... literally.... so i feel like i am obligated as the daughter to get her at least something... well... i ordered her some flowers... total cost like 35 bucks... but its something... what's funny is i know she will like them... but be upset its not something better... but you know... she didn't send me or her grand daughter a single thing... not even an email card..... am i terrible for thinking that way?

Rough Days

well, the day before yesterday... was sunday... time change day... had to have been the slowest freaking day ever.... madison was sick as a dog... she puked her little guts out in the highchair once and in the car once... and shit herself silly all day...it was the longest day of my whole life i think.... sheesh...at least she is feeling better....
the cat seems to be getting better too... he's just depressed walking around with his cone.... few more weeks
score..i just found an atomic fire ball in ben's halloween candy!


my friend found out friday she probably can't have any more kids... she's pretty upset about ... and her boyfriend cried... she's been having a lot of issues... and now her precancerous cells have gone all crazy.... she might have to have a partial hysterectomy... that sucks... but she's had a tubal ligation already... she never wanted more kids... but now the boyfriend does want them... so she was thinking about reversing it...i dunno...i don't want more kids... but i don't want to take away that option quite yet... i'm thankful all of my girl stuff still seems to be in good condition...

i got a new address card from my dad and stepmom the other day... funny they didn't have time to send me or their granddaughter even a birthday card.. but i got a card with their new address and phone number on it.... i can't believe they up and moved into a condo either.... after living in a house for 12 years... who wants to move in and rent a condo... ew.... but they say they are happy.... i just think its wierd.... i don't even know where they live!! guess its a good thing they didn't move into that condo when i was looking for them in 03....
signed up for new classes today... signed up for 4 but i will probably drop one.... i dunno yet... trying to get this shit done!
i think i'll write more later.... i can't concentrate right now....

Funny

Anyone else think it's funny that when I want G to get  me something... ever...it's a big deal... but the mere mention of wine and he's up in a flash... getting me some... laughing my ass off... of course i'm a little drunk... but whatever...i haven't had anything to drink in months...i deserve some wine tonight!!!! HaHa.....


side note... the poor cat .. still can't walk around with this cone on... he runs it into everything....

double side note... poor madison.. .shit herself silly and threw up all over the place twice today... poor little baby...i felt so bad for her... she threw up everything she ate all day.... once in the high chair after she finished lunch... the second time on the way home from ihop for dinner...

extra side note... i totally cheated my diet today... but oh my..... banana bread french toast at ihop..... was by far the best thing i've ever had there... in my life.... wow..it was beyond amazing.... totally worth cheating.... but someone needs to motivate my fat ass to get back to the gym..... someone tell me i'm fat and that i need to work out... then i'll probably go back.... grr......

Slightly depressed

I can't help but feel pretty down about all kinds of things that have been happening lately. I know I shouldn't, because it's not my fault, but the fact is that bad things are happening and I don't like it. First off, G and I had this massive fight last weekend on Halloween, I'm so tired of being treated like the maid of the house just because I don't work. I still bring in an income, and when you sit down and look at it it's the same amount of money that I was bringing home before after I paid daycare. It sucks that I never feel like I'm appreciated, nothing I do is ever good enough and the whole house treats me like a maid. G leaves his shit all over the house, B does the same thing.... M doesn't know better yet, but it's freaking impossible to get anything done with her chasing around behind me crying to be picked up all day... it's hard staying home... i never believed that was possible when i didn't stay home, but there's always so much to do. B is in school during the day but he's only there for 6 hours a day... and M is home with me all day... she's got some separation anxiety issues i think.... and i can't get help from anyone to do anything...it's so annoying... why should i have to do EVERYTHING just because i don't work...im pretty sure it would be far easier to go to work and have to NOTHING at home... just like everyone else in this house.... anyway... we got in this huge fight and i was so wishing i lived closer to home..i'd have packed the kids up and we'd have left for a while... f that... i hate living here because when we get in a big ass fight like that i don't have anywhere i can go... fucking nowhere... it's shit.... i have one friend here but she's always so dramatic... every day her boyfriend has done something or some girl has talked to him or something retarded...i can't deal with drama...i'm very anti drama...i don't have the patience for it... and it sucks because if you tell her she's being ridiculous she gets all pissy at you!!!! So... everyday she's chatting on gmail... since i don't know how to turn it off on my phone!) about this and that and the other.... that i just can't bring myself to care about!
On top of all that G decided to apply for a job in London... after i said i didn't think i wanted to go ... so i guess there's a pretty good chance we could be moving over there.... he said he's got a really good chance.... that worries me...i mean i don't like living here so much but i'm not sure how i would handle living across the ocean from everyone.... 

Then... the cat had this thing happen this week.... on monday he was acting funky... like crying... and doing something weird with his butt...well by the end of the day when i noticed him acting so weird i decided to take him to the vet because i was afraid he had a urinary blockage... which turns out he did... 2nd vet.... emergency vca hospital... of course...  turns out the estimate for the thing was over two grand... about had a heart attack... well... he was a good boy.. and the doc was able to get a cathetor in him without any anestesia.. which was great... except when they went to take it out the next day he blocked again.. so they did xrays and found he has a bunch of little bladder stones... and had to have surgery to get them out... but they decided rather than do that surgery to do this other surgery that basically turned him into a girl... it got rid of all of his man junk... and created a new place for him to pee... a bigger urethra.... poor kitty... but i got lucky... and they had an intern project ... so the cost was FAR less than if a real vet did the surgery... and they gave me some sort of rescue shelter discount... so i only had to pay 1002 dollars... and i actually got approved for this credit thing with no interest through the vet.. so that's so much better than it would have been... but still.... its a grand that i don't really have right now...we are in a tight spot... our bills are piling up... and it sucks because when i get a job we are probably going to lose money because we will have to pay daycare for 2 kids.... and jobs here don't pay shit!!!! 
oh....well i figure i've bitched enough in my first blog.... feels good to get some of that off my chest though!