The new trials of dieting and stuff

I have dieting and exercised in the past... I was a member of the gym and really got into it...I was losing weight and inches and it felt great... then something happened... and I just lost all of my mojo.... I don't know what it was that changed... but I am more determined than ever to not lose steam...I have a goal in mind... I am hoping that I will be able to endure the pain and irritations that come with all of this...My legs are killing me..I went for a run last night even though my head hurt pretty bad... and my time wasn't that great... but I did run more of the time than before...It only went up about 16 seconds or so but it was still a little disappointing considering I ran the first 2 laps without stopping at all and pushed myself to run more the whole time... stopping to walk maybe a minute at a time...I feel like once I start getting better I might be more inclined to get out there...I've got a diet tracker on my phone now and I input the foods that I eat and such... so far so good...I like that it has a barcode scanner so if we are eating something from any kind of package with a barcode I can just scan it and put in the amount I ate....I love that!!! So according to my app my calorie count per day should be 1510 and so far most every day I have managed to stay right around there. Today I was under and still had a splurge.... (1/2 cup (measured) of egg nog and a 4 count box of milk duds from halloween. I think it helps my psyche to have little rewards like that and still be under my calories for the day...I can't help but think though that I am starving... all of a sudden I feel like I need to eat more than I usually do...I am being very good...drinking a ton of water and all of that jazz... sigh...doesn't make it any easier...I wish this were easier.... but I'm going to be a success dammit!

On another note, the weather calmed down a little bit.... it's not as hot... and right now it's even raining! I am not running tonight because one it's raining and 2 gary's on the night shift again... so he leaves here at about 520 and I dunno when he will make it home... hopefully by 630 tomorrow morning... I'm not sure it will happen... but it's nice to think I won't have to get up with Ben every morning.

Gary working the night shift brings back a lot of memories...I hate it... but he loves it.... sucks...I end up being the only one with Madison all day... then Ben comes home... and Gary gets up... gets ready for work and leaves.. then I'm left alone with them again to do dinner... clean up ... bath and bedtimes all alone... I hate it...but what can I do... nothing...blah.... i spend more time alone again and I don't really like that.... I wish there was another option..

I am soooooo looking forward to my trip to Hilton Head with Jessy next week....It's going to be so awesome to get away from all my stresses for a few days...I haven't had that in what feels like forever...I got a day away twice in the last year... both times I went to smithfield station ... once with Jessy and once with Gary... that was awesome but it's less than 24 hours and just flies by.... I am very ready ....next Wednesday it's on!!! I just can't wait but at the same time I'm torn because I don't want it to get here and fly by.... It's going to be really weird to leave the kids with Gary..I've never done that before...I've never been away while they were all together... but I think I'm going to have a better time than they are!!! Hahaha.....


I guess that's all for now.... :)

Setting goals

So, to say I have been fat my whole life is a stretch...I look back to my youth and can see I wasn't always fat. I felt fat my whole life, but I can look back to high school even at a size 12 or so and say I really wasn't fat.

I've never been a size 0, and I don't want to be..I just want to get back to where I was before I had kids.... I was a size 16 or so ..... I would love really to get back down to a 12 ...I'm not sure if that's really possible... but I've decided it's time for action...I no longer want to be super fat...I want to be normal.... by the time I turn 30 next year...I've gained so much weight since I first got pregnant.... then I never really lost it... then got pregnant with Madison and again gained some weight and didn't lose it. I could really afford to lose a lot of weight... like a whole person I bet...I have started running... and tracking my diet...I hope to have some results....I have gotten into working out before but this time I really have a goal in mind...I just hope I can make it a reality..... Wish me luck.....